The IRC Stories Part 6 – Resident Idiots

Some parts of this chapter may be considered Not Safe For Work, children, senior citizens, or hair. You have been warned.

One of the first and most persistant pains in the ass to ever join #tf was a guy using the nickname Abraham71. While we’ve been host to a good number of idiots, assholes, and sociopaths over the years, Abraham71 holds the distinction of being the first to become legend.

In addition to talking, IRC supported actions. In reality, it was simply text formatted differently, but it was done to imply that the person was doing something rather than saying it. A typical action would appear in a manner similar to:

* Ayukawa kicks ChanServ into orbit.

Abraham71’s claim to fame is that he would join the channel (often under a different nickname, such as Rebecca17 or Erin779) and chat for a couple minutes before going quiet. Then, just as everybody forgot he was there, he would switch his nickname back to Abraham71 and begin his claim to fame.

* Abraham71 jumps up on the table and cums in everybody’s hair.

Naturally, he would be banned from the channel immediately. What made Abraham71 so special is that he would always come back. For over ten years, he would always come back. I was constantly banning him from #teenflirt (and all of DALnet once I was made an IRCop) and he would just find ways around it. He may go a few days, weeks, or even a couple years without coming in and giving everyone a shower, but it was always understood that he would return.

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Shortly after Seattlebabe changed her nickname to SonicBabe, another fellow joined the channel who took an immediate and almost obsessive liking to her. For some bizarre reason which I’ll chalk up to capricious youth, she liked him back. Nobody remembers what his original nickname was, but it quickly got changed to… SonicDude.

Historically, the word “douchebag” has been used as an insult since around 1954, but did not become popular until the 2000s. As a result, I did not have an accurate way of describing SonicDude back when he was present in the channel.

In addition to his obnoxious claim that him and SonicBabe were lovers (they would never meet in person), SonicDude had a tendency to be an ass to everybody else. He regularly would start arguments with the others, relying on obscure references and flawed logic to appear smarter than whomever he was talking to. He was especially a pain in the ass to Charmz, Asraia, and myself.

Eventually to nobody’s real shock, SonicBabe tired of him as well. The irony is that he would come to me on multiple occasions years later, and whine to me about how he missed his long lost love.

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While he didn’t make his first appearances until we had changed from #tf to #centralcafe, one of the more recent long-term idiots was a fellow named JakeDCC. Jake’s claim to fame was his obsession with me and my being an IRCop. Jake would join #centralcafe and go off to pester other channels. Flooding, DDoSing, or advertising my channel. As a result, #cc would be joined by dozens of pissed-off users thinking I sent him.

I would ban JakeDCC from the channel. I would ban him from the network. Like Abraham71, he would continue to come back. He often joined IRCop hangouts like #operhelp and claim that he was my friend or a relative, and that I sent him to get an O:Line. He never seemed to think to change his nickname to something that did NOT include Jake however, and almost always used JakeDCC or JolietJake as his nick.

Eventually, Jake would go on to irritate a good number of IRCops on the network, becoming one of the most well-known idiots to grace my channels with his presence.